Koichi Lays an Egg
by charadesofchagrin
Summary: Rohan gets Koichi to help him with a personal art project, but he starts to not feel very well.


Koichi Lays an Egg

The mornings in Morio-cho are always beautiful. Birds are signing in a serene chorus of thousands. The wind was a fair breeze, the temperature was a nice moderate amount, and humidity was low. The golden rays of the sun shine violently in the sky, magnifying the scenery of everything the city had to offer. Is there no place as pretty as this town? It was spring, and there were truly great days to be had in this city.

However, one person wasn't quite able to admire such beauty that this town beheld. Rohan Kishibe, like many artists, didn't really have a life, and spent most of his time indoors producing his work for the coldblooded, lifeless, soulless corporation that was Weekly Shounen Jump. As he was slaving away for his monstrous corporate overlords, he spent the great majority of his time indoors, in his house. He never really had much company, aside from the occasional spider he would eat. However, there was one person that he would be with regularly, the 15 year old Koichi Hirose.

It was a normal day for Koichi. He and his two pals Josuke and Okuyasu were hanging around the outside of their high school. There was nothing really interesting happening, they were just shooting the shit with each other. "Have you seen that one girl with that reallllllly fat ass?" Okuyasu asked the other two. "Yeah, she's alright." Josuke responded. Okuyasu said nothing for a few seconds and then he realized exactly what Josuke said: "Whaddya mean 'alright?'" Josuke shrugged in response. "Well, she alright. She not subtle or nuanced, she tasteless and lukewarm. But, she alright. She reminds me of my girlfriend, which I like better." Okuyasu grinded his teeth together in rage. "Josuke, you don't have a fucking girlfriend." "Y—yes I do!" Josuke protested, visibly hurt.

"Your Doki Doki Literature Club body pillow doesn't count as a girlfriend. She ain't real bro." Okuyasu replied while making a dismissive gesture and giving Josuke a noogie. Now, after this, you'd think Killer Queen blew up Josuke's pride. "S—she's fucking real! Stop lying!" Josuke huddled into fetal position on the curb. "Uh, yo, you ok bro?" was Okuyasu's attempt to console him after his offense. Josuke, grabbed his bro by the lapels, and whispered into his ear: "I've put way too much cum in her for her to not be real." Completely taken aback and uncomfortable at this, Okuyasu decided to change the subject. "Well, if we're all so bored, why don't we go to McDonald's?" The other two completely agreed to this. "Yeah, that's a great idea!" Said Koichi. The gang all loved McDonald's. It was a place they went to often. And now with the past months being nothing but graduation tests, the thought of McDonald's served to comfort them in the midst of these exciting and worrying days.

Dem boyz walked the bustling streets of Morioh for a few hundred meters. They invited Jotaro to come with them but he was busy with research for his PhD. Finally, they came across the great golden arches and entered the franchise. There was quite a long ass line, featuring various different looking people. Suddenly, the three froze up. Standing in line right in front of them was Yoshikage Kira. He wasn't even trying to hide. They all immediately brought their stands at the ready.

Kira ordered his food and was about to take out his wallet when he felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned around cautiously to see who it was when Josuke slugged him with all the speed Crazy Diamond could muster. Kira went flying to the side when Okuyasu used The Hand to cause Kira to come right back to where he was. "DORARARARARARA" Was all that could be heard for the next two minutes. Kira flew back, careening into the wall of McDonald's, and had some utensils and ketchup spill onto his suit.

Josuke, Okuyasu, and Koichi all realized their mistake immediately. It really wasn't Yoshikage Kira at all! It couldn't have been! He died! It was actually David Bowie!

"Holy shit! It's David Bowie!" Koichi said. Bowie got up, covered in ketchup, napkins, and straws. He gave the three high schoolers a death stare that could rival Jotaro's, but after some explanation on Josuke's part, he didn't really care anymore. He was shown a picture of Yoshikage Kira. "Well, I guess I get why you did it, since he looks identical to me." Bowie then kindly took his food and left.

"S-H-I-T" Koichi yelled. "We forgot to get his autograph!" The trio sighed. They could run after him, but they were too lazy to. They finally got up to the cashier. "Hey, uhh." Josuke started saying. "Sorry about that fight." The cashier was surprisingly understanding, "Eh, it's fine, don't worry about it. Happens here all the time." Okuyasu felt a lot of empathy for this employee suddenly. "Dang, if I had to go through seeing that all the time, I'd probably want to kill myself." The cashier chuckled at Okuyasu's quip. "What's so funny?" Okuyasu interrogated. The cashier looked at him dead in the eyes. "Suicide ios badass." That's when the crew realized he wasn't really a cashier at McDonald's, he was Danny DeVito! "Holy shit!" Koichi yelled again. "It's fucking Danny DeVito." A tall, slim figure appeared behind the gang. "Heh, I always recognize a hairless gremlin when I see one."

Josuke, Koichi, and Okuyasu turned around to see this new probable enemy (but definite asshole). My, it was none other than manga man Rohan Totallynotaselfinsert Kishibe! Danny DeVito was absolutely furious at the slight against humanity Rohan produced with his mouth. "What the fuck did you say about my hair?" Suddenly, an aura blazed around the celebrity. Danny DeVito had summoned his stand: Trash Man. Josuke, Koichi, and Okuyasu kicked back, about to watch the show. DeVito charged in with all of his rage. Rohan did an arrogant chuckle. Like many artists, he had no satisfaction with life or any self-confidence, so he masked that with his own massive hubris and narcissism. He summoned a Heaven's Door, and showed a piece of his manga only inches away from DeVito's eyes.

DeVito and his stando however broke through anyway. Rohan was not greeted with Danny Devito becoming a book, but rather his fist having a very intimate time with his own face. Rohan was staggered back. Danny summoned all the garbage in the restaurant, and cast it at the mangaka. Poor Rohan was finished. His unconscious body flew out the door and landed across the street. Danny DeVito's work here was done, and he left the building like a badass.

"Wh—what even happened right now!?" Koichi blurted out. "His hairstyle got trashed, and he got so mad he doesn't even know what drawings are…Yeah." Okuyasu responded. Koichi was clearly concerned. "Ok then. I hope you guys don't mind, but I gotta go out and see if he's ok." "Can't that wait until we eat out food?" Josuke said. "Oh, alright. I suppose." Koichi agreed.

And so they all got their food and ate it. Josuke and Okuyasu elected to stay in the building, while Koichi went to see if Rohan was alright. Koichi exited and crossed the street, his belly full of delicious McNuggets. Manga man was still lying where he wound up. Koichi helped his friend up. Fortunately, nothing was severely hurt except for Rohan's pride.

"Hey, Koichi." Rohan whispered. "Yeah?" Koichi responded. "Can I get your help with something?" Koichi thought for a moment at Rohan's question. "Sure man, what is it?" Rohan coughed for a little bit before saying: "I need someone to help me get inspiration for a personal project I'm working on. Is that ok with you?" Koichi nodded his head "Sure Rohan sir! I can help!"

Rohan was thrilled at this news. "Ok, let's go to my house then!" Koichi didn't mean any ill will towards Josuke or Okuyasu, but getting to work on a project with someone like Rohan Kishibe was a once in a lifetime experience. Rohan led Koichi to his car, and they both got inside. Koichi was about to buckle up, but Rohan stopped him. "Sit in the back." He commanded the child. "What? Why?" Koichi said in protest. Rohan sighed, giving the boy a stern look, as if he was his father. "Koichi, look, you're too short to sit in the front. It's illegal and it's for your own safety, so get in the back." Koichi was having none of this. Why should he have to sit in the back? He's not a little child! Rohan relented eventually. "Alright, fine. But if you're gonna sit in the front, you have to use this." Rohan pulled out a booster seat from his trunk and put it in front. "Rohan sir, why do you have a booster seat?" This was one of the most bizarre experiences Koichi has had. Rohan stamped his foot in frustration. "Damn it! I'm an artist! Now get in the car!"

Koichi figured that he wouldn't be able to work with Mr. Kishibe if he continued arguing, so he got in the car and on the booster seat. It was highly embarrassing, Koichi worried about his image, if word got out, he would lose all of his dignity, and the entire Duwang would laugh at him. The two men drove through the city, winding up at Rohan's house. They entered his door, the place was as usual: dilapidated and depressing. Rohan was too busy shitting out comics for his corporate slave-drivers to take care of his living space, or shower (not that he would anyway). Even if he tried to clean up his place he'd miss at least four deadlines and his editors and publishers would rip his testicles out of his urethra and mount them over the fire place.

Koichi saw the filth that had accumulated: empty coffee cups, energy drink cans, trash of all kinds, discarded body pillows. The sordidness of the room was too much to handle. Eventually Rohan took him to the only area he could see that was clean: his studio.

Koichi was struck with admiration. All the different colors, the myriad of pens, brushes, markers, all the pages that Rohan's ink had made sweet love to, it was all so much. This man truly did have an excellent drawing ability. This feeling manifested into butterflies in Koichi's stomach. It was a mixture of excitement that he would help this man, and wonder at his talent.

Rohan clearly saw Koichi's gaping mouth, and felt flattered. For the first time in his life, he was truly grateful for his drawing ability, and the impact that it could have on his fans. It was truly a nice, warm feeling. Rohan then paused for a few moments and then started drafting the idea in his head. Unlike most of the work he made nowadays, this was a personal project he wanted to make independently.

Koichi's excitement was catching up with him. However, he got so flustered that the butterflies in his stomach turned into a full on belly ache. "Mr. Rohan Sir, can I use the bathroom?" Rohan dismissively said sure and let him go.

Koichi closed the door and locked it. This was the only other room in Rohan's house that wasn't dirty, because a dirty bathroom really sucks. It was a nice, sleek looking bathroom. The air smelt of lavender, and the floors and walls were nicely polished. The medicine cabinet was filled neatly, among other things. Koichi clutched his stomach, he felt like he was going to have an accident. The boy pulled down his pants and sat curled up over the toilet. It was going to be a rough time.

At first came some slight relief, Koichi thought this was just gas or something. However, he was proven horribly wrong a minute later. The shit came, bigger than any shit in his life. Koichi struggled, letting out yelps of pain as his asshole felt like it was getting torn apart by the sheer mass of this poop. "Is everything ok in there?" Rohan knocked on the door, concerned. It had been nearly half an hour. "Y—yeah, I j—just have to poo, reall—lly badl—ly." Was what Koichi struggled through the agony to say in response. "Alright, but don't' mess up my toilet. I like it a lot." Rohan then walked back to think about his project. After 45 minutes the extreme excrement began to poke out of Koichi's stretched bung hole. Koichi had to tap into all of his might, endurance, and stand power just to get this to pass. His hair had gone full super saiyan like it sometimes does. "S-H-I-T" Echoes Act 3 said out of the pain. "Shut up! We don't need this right now!" Koichi angrily responded to his stand. After an hour, the mass had completely passed. The amount of shit was so great that it lifted Koichi out of the toilet seat until he was sitting a foot above the ground, on top of the huge pile.

This was the greatest relief Koichi ever felt in his life. His body had no choice but to sit on the pile, crying and shaking at the trauma he had just been through. He then got off of his spot to turn around and observe the damages, what he had found bore greater horror than he could have thought.

This mass was no shit. The oblong shape, the gleaming surface that could only be called a shell, this was an egg. Koichi had layed an egg the size of his own body, covered in his juices and toilet water. No words could explain what Koichi thought about this. He reached out to prod it, to see if it was real. This was no illusion, it was a real, live egg.

Koichi let out a scream like he was being murdered, and burst out the bathroom door. Rohan heard his friend in distress and ran to his aid, in an attempt to help him. "What's wrong Koichi!? What happened!?" Koichi had no words, only tears. In the midst of crying and sniffling, he pointed to the bathroom. Rohan then stepped into the bathroom and took in the sight.

He vomited. All across his floor he puked. The man had no words for this sight either. However, he did feel one thing after the sickness: curiosity. He examined the egg. It was around three to four feet tall, same size as Koichi, and about two feet in diameter. It truly was the most bizarre thing Rohan had ever witnessed.

Then, alas! Inspiration struck him. He picked up Koichi and hugged him. Now, one would think this was to console him, but no. It was out of gratitude. "Koichi, I know you're feeling horrible, but you have helped me more than you could ever know." Koichi looked up at the manga man, eyes wet and nose drooling: "What do you mean, Rohan sir?" Rohan gave his friend a nice pat on the head. "Thank you for making my project for me! At first it was something I was going to make for myself, but now I think this is good enough to show to the public!" Think of all the people we could impress, all the money we could make from this art piece."

Koichi was thoroughly disgusted by this suggestion. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with that monstrosity. However, since he didn't want to be caught dead near that thing again, he relented and let Rohan use it. Rohan had never been happier in his life.

After hearing Koichi's struggle from outside the bathroom, Rohan found so much artistic meaning from the egg that he felt it could belong in a museum exhibit. The egg was taken with him everywhere Rohan went. He showed it to national art museums all over the world, who very graciously accepted this as part of their galleries. The piece gained so much popularity, it was even accepted to be an exhibit in The Louvre. Rohan certainly had fun there. This piece's fame gave Rohan recognition as an excellent artist worldwide. Shounen Jump later recognized him as a mangaka god of the likes of Yoshihiro Togashi or Kentaro Miura and essentially let him release whenever the fuck he wanted. He made millions of dollars and was able to retire very early, only continuing to create Pink Dark Boy for Weekly Shounen Jump as a courtesy. He eventually gave away most of his wealth to charities and universities supporting the arts, and most importantly, he was able to clean his house.

In the midst of Rohan's fame, Koichi had continued his life as a normal high schooler. He forever remained traumatized at the laying of his egg. Fortunately, some of his friends were able to help him through it. Jotaro in particular told him that he experienced a similar event when he was a high schooler. Koichi was able to work through it and live happily. He even got some money from Rohan as gratitude for making him famous.

While this was happening, Josuke and Okuyasu were busy enjoying a bomb-ass meal at Mickey D's. "Man, they're fries are sure the best eh, Josuke?" Okuyasu said, but became shocked when Josuke formed a retarded grin on his face. Over the course of the story, he ate like 100 chicken nuggets, and he wasn't feeling so good. Josuke then walked up to a random stranger, who happened to be Dante from the Devil May Cry series, and gave him the rest of his chicken nuggets. Dante thanked him and left.

Okuyasu was appalled at Josuke's behavior. "Josuke! You're crazy! Where'd all your dignity and pride go!?" Josuke looked at him with his gin and replied: "Make everybody happy!" Okuyasu had no words.

However, Jotaro, who happened to enter the building at this point (with Joseph because Joseph wanted McDonald's) did have some words. "Yare yare daze." Jotaro smacked Josuke across the head. "Who in face are you? And what have you done to Josuke?" He shouted angrily. "How could you waste all of that money? What's wrong with you?" Josuke was still in shock from Jotaro's hit. "Damn! It hurts!" Jotaro sneered at how low his uncle has fallen. Josuke now had no dignity.


End file.
